Listen to Understand, Not Just to Respond
Effective listening is more than hearing what someone says. It’s about understanding their perspective, asking the right questions, and resisting the urge to offer an immediate solution.
In professional coaching, listening is treated as a core competence: not simply a matter of politeness, but a skill that can be developed through practice. Leaders can apply the same principle. When someone brings you a problem, your first instinct may be to solve it. While that instinct is valuable, jumping to solutions too quickly can prevent you from understanding the full picture.
Three Levels of Listening
- Listening to respond: You hear the other person’s words while thinking about what you’ll say next.
- Listening to understand: You focus on their words, tone, and the concerns they may not be expressing directly.
- Listening beyond the words: You pay attention to hesitation, changes in tone, and what these signals might reveal about the conversation.
It’s easy to default to the first level, especially during a busy workday. Moving beyond it requires a deliberate shift: ask one more question before offering your perspective.
The quality of what people tell you depends on the quality of attention you give them.
Ask Questions That Encourage Reflection
Questions like “Did you try X?” often steer the conversation towards a solution you’ve already identified.
Instead, use open-ended questions that encourage the other person to think through the situation:
- “What have you tried so far?”
- “What’s the biggest challenge you’re facing?”
- “What would a good outcome look like?”
Then give them time to respond. Avoid filling every silence or rushing to offer advice. Sometimes, a thoughtful pause allows someone to articulate a concern they hadn’t fully considered.
Reflect What You’ve Heard
Summarising what someone has shared helps confirm that you’ve understood their perspective. For example: “So the deadline itself isn’t the issue; it’s that you’re still waiting for sign-off. Is that right?” This gives the other person an opportunity to clarify or correct your understanding before you move towards a solution.
Listening doesn’t mean withholding advice or avoiding decisions. It means taking the time to understand the situation before deciding how best to respond.
When leaders listen with intention, one-on-one conversations become more than routine check-ins. They become opportunities to build trust, uncover concerns, and help others work through challenges.
Try this week
In your next three one-to-ones, ask one more question before you offer any view. Notice what you learn that you would otherwise have missed.
Reflect
Who on your team do you find hardest to listen to, and why?
What do you usually do with silence in a conversation?
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